sprayhawk

Pom Pom Mourned

After a recent photo shoot for a University of Kansas Libraries poster, Mark Mangino reportedly ate a hardback copy of “Presidential Courage: Brave Leaders And How They Changed America” written by Michael Beschloss.  Mangino can be seen pictured in the promotional poster holding the book just moments before it was consumed.

Photographer Doug Bivens said, “I’ve worked with wild animals before, in a zoo, but I’ve never seen an animal eat a book.  I’m just glad I got the shot and didn’t lose any fingers.  [Mangino is] surprisingly quick when he eats.”

The book eating follows behind a slew of other traditionally inedible items consumed by Mangino.  Shocked bystanders have reportedly seen him eat pencils, calculators, Scantrons, chemistry goggles, and even a backpack.

“He pretty much eats anything related to academics,” one student said.  “Mangino ate my Calc homework.  But don’t tell him I told you,” he added.

The fear of getting on Mangino’s bad side stems from allegations that he has also started eating living things.  Students share stories of missing pet hamsters, goldfish, and even a domestic cat.

One female student said, “Pom Pom was outside just sunning on the porch and then Coach Mangino pulled into my driveway in his Navigator.  He grabbed her and stuffed her into his mouth.  I felt so bad but I was scared and couldn’t stop him.  I didn’t call the police because [Mangino] runs football.  If Mangino needs to eat my cat to win the Orange Bowl then he can eat my cat.  I just love the Jayhawks.”

Via telephone interview, Mangino stated, “I’ll eat a book if I want to eat it.  I’ll eat a cat.  I’ll eat your fucking face.  I’m hungry.  You can’t win if you aren’t hungry, that’s what I tell my players.”

University spokesman Ted Plonkers said, “We built Mangino a $33 million dollar football complex because winning is the most important thing at the University of Kansas.  To be honest, I’d let him eat my first born child if it meant we could win another Orange Bowl.”