sprayhawk

I was browsing the Internet today for a slightly used camcorder when I got bored and started looking at personal ads on Craigslist.  Below I have copied an ad by a man seeking a woman for a causal encounter.  This is an actual ad.  With *commentary, of course.

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do you need a good spanking? – 39 (lawencee ks)

*Good question, that’ll pique the interest.  But you did misspell the city name.  And I bet you’re actually over 40.  Let’s be honest, please, this is the Internet.

I live to spank women!

*Strong opener.

I love taking a girl over my knee and giving her a good, old-fashioned spanking! I’ve got a lot of experience at it, and I always communicate first so I can give her the spanking she’s always dreamed of!

*Not too pushy, let her know you’re normal, let her know you aren’t going to overspank, you’re better than that.  Use third person to let her know that she can be anybody.  Dreams do come true.

Have you always wanted spanked, but been disappointed by an unskilled boyfriend?

*Bad grammar, bad flow with the switch from third to second person…but good angle with the crappy boyfriend thing.  It’s true that most girls can’t find a boyfriend who will spank efficiently.

Have you been spanked before, but are now way overdue for another trip over a man’s knee? Life is too short to not get what you want…write me so we can get together!

*OK, let’s suppose she has been spanked, but it’s been a while, like 48 hours or something.  Good, now remind her of a possible untimely death.  Don’t let her know you might cause it.  Keep your cool.  Nice.  This is practically a done deal.

I’m authoritative but not mean…no heavy S&M, no sex expected, just the spanking scene we both want!

*Oh yeah, that spanking scene!  That’s it.  Let her know you are both on the same team, just two crazy kids looking for a good platonic spank-a-thon.

You need to be willing to take a chance, and somewhere between 18-60.

*That’s a bit limiting.  Are 61 year olds unspankable?

NO SPAM, NO Internet sites, and NO Prostitutes…I’m only looking for a real girl who craves, needs, wants a good spanking!

*Leave the disclaimers for the end.  Nice.  Let her know you’re still serious.  Remind her that you are “only” looking for a real girl to spank.

I know you are out there, so write soon, young lady!

*A little late to ask for a young lady, don’t you think?

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SCORES (out of 10)

Enthusiasm: 8

Composition: 5

Persuasion: 7

Creepiness: 9

Delusion: 11

Note: No photograph was included in the actual post.  This bumps up the creepiness but drops the enthusiasm a little bit.